Like Rebel Diamonds

I found this dribble I wrote on the RRYaoi list I use to be on. I find it amusing at best and slightly embarrassing at worst. I'm gonna put it here anyhows! Don't read if you can't stomach yaoi or parody work.


disclaimer: Rumiko owns the Ryouga and all Ranma 1/2 there of, Best Brains
owns Mike, Tom, Crow, and the MST3K concept. And Trakal owns "Tortured Echo"
cause she wrote it. This MiSTing is done by her permission and my bad puns
and jabbering is meant in humor not bitchiness.^_^

Warning: Tortured Echo has rape, death, and other angst. It's about NC-17 or
Rated R. this chapter 3a however is PG.

MST3K of Toruted Echo Chapter 3a


(aboard the Satelittle of Love)

Mike is in a "Kiss the Chef" apron and chef hat. He is grilling hamburgers
on a little hotplate. He hums the theme song to "Chip and Dale's Rescue
Rangers" off-key.

Tom:::gliding into view, wearing a "French the Chef" apron and chef hat::
Ohayo, Mikey! I am ready and willing! Let's get the show started!

Mike:Right-o, Sidekick-for-life, let's get started. But maybe the audience
is wondering what we're doing.

Tom: Well, tough bollocks to them buncha lousy jerks-

Mike:TOM.

Tom: ::fake laugh:: Ah ha ha ha. I was kidding. ::gets sincere voice:: Today
me and Mike have decided to start our own cooking show. We've been getting
tapes of famous cooking shows from Japan thanks to my friend Keiko. Keiko
is...was
a carrier pigeon, and after imploding in space on her way to visiting the
satellite, she willed all of her "Iron Chef" tapes to me!

Mike:::cutting in:: It doesn't make sense to me either, folks.

Tom: Ahem. So welcome to ::dramatic music::

Tom and Mike: PLASTIC CHEF!

Crow:::walking up beside the two:: What the hell are you guys doing?

Tom: Be quiet, Crow, me and Mike have to do our theme song. ::one toot on a
kazoo::

Tom and Mike:(to the tune of "She's a Maniac")


We're Plastic Chefs!
We're Plastic Chefs!
And we're cooking
like we've never cooked before!

::Mike begans dancing around sporadically, kicking up his legs to reveal hot
pink leg warmers::

We're blending
like've we've never blended before!

::Tom throws a bucket of water on Mike and he slings his head back and
forth, showering water everywhere. He continues dancing and then stops
suddenly, breathing hard before falling over::

Crow:.....

Tom:We're working on the actual cooking part. But hell, when you gotta theme
song, who needs the show?

Crow:::deadpan voice::Why don't we just go to commercial. ::looking down at
the panting, wheezing form of Mike:: A long commercial break.

(A commercial for "Rogaine's new Hair Loss for Men" product begins. Cut to
view of Duo, running down the street away from OZ. He aburptly trips over
his long braid and falls face-down. Cut to view of Zechs giving a speech to
a squad of men. He paces back and forth before slamming head-on into a
pole. The squad laughs, and Zechs brushs back his super-long bangs
and growls. Cut to view of Sephiroth, sitting behind a desk.

Sephiroth:::puts away Cloud UFO doll hastily:: You ever had these problems
with hair? I sure have! It's great having long
beautiful incredible delicious undescribable insatiable hair. But it is NOT
fun having hair so long it hinders your everyday life. Do you think I LIKE
having the ends of my hair getting singed when I'm burning down helpless
villages? WELL I DON'T! And Mommy said I have the prettiest hair in the
whoooollleee universe--::off screen, the director makes wrap-it-up motions::
Oh right, anyway, buy the new product "Rogain's Hair Loss for Men" and lose
some excess hair today. Go from this....

::view of Kurama, stumbling around blindly because of long bangs::

To this! ::view of Kurama, both eyes visible, pounding into Hiei like white
on rice::

And remember, it's not JUST for bishounen anymore! ::last screen, a picture
of Usagi tripping on her hair and falling on her butt::

(back on the SOL)

Crow: Geez, that was a long commercial. At least you guys gave up on the
cooking show, right?

Tom:Never! Viva la Plastic!

Mike:Well....::suddenly fic sign starts up:: Ahhh, fanfic time!

Crow: Oh no! I thought we'd regained sanity--::looks at Mike's leg warmers::
Never mind.

(Crow and Mike, carrying Tom, enter the fanfic-viewing theater.)




>From: "Trakal" <trakal@...>TITLE: Ranma 1/2: Tortured Echo(3a)
>NAME: Trakal (Trakal@...)RATING: NC-17
>SUMMARY: Sasuke and Ryoga set about putting together a group of
>rebels to take back Nerima from the soldiers.
>NOTES: This section contains some angst

Tom, Crow, and Mike:: ::blank stare::

Crow: Yeahhhh....that's like saying "La Blue Girl" had a few panty shots in
it.

>DISCLAIMER:I am not making any money off this. You are not
>making any money off this.

Tom: What the hell?! We're not? That's it...I'm leaving!

Mike: Maybe Trakal could make money by selling this fic to the Pentagon as a
secret weapon.

>The creator of Ranma 1/2, Rumiko
>Takahashi isn't making any money off this.
>The soldiers are mine and are not meant to represent any
>specific military force.

Crow: Although, the fact they're wearing kilts has led to suspicion...

>"Eat this."

Mike:Wow, Sasuke sure cuts to the chase.

Crow: Ew, Mike, Ew.

>Sasuke said, handing a plate of rice and fish to
>Ryoga. "I'm not the best cook in the world, but it should do in a pinch."
>Ryoga picked at his food. "I'm not hungry." he moped.
>"Look," Sasuke told him, "I know you're upset about Akane and
>what they did to you, but..."

Tom:...at least you're a main character, you are so lucky!

Mike(as Ryouga, monotone) Yay.

>"They tore my heart out and spat on it, then they dishonored
>me." Ryoga growled. "I'm not upset. I'M PISSED OFF!!!"
>"I understand." Sasuke replied. "They killed Master Kuno and
>Mistress Kodachi right in front of me. I was too late to stop them."
>"Kodachi committed..."

Crow:...herself into the looney bin where she lived out the rest of her
days,
making statues of Ranma out of cottage cheese and rice pudding.

>"I know. Sasuke glared. "But they caused it. Its was *their* fault."
>"So, we attack them at midnight." Ryoga decided.
>"Not alone." Sasuke reminded him. "We still need to find others
>to help us. If we're going to fight an army, we'll need an army of our
own."
>"Ranma Saotome," Was Ryoga's first selection. He would want
>revenge for Akane just as badly as Ryoga, and he was a very

Mike: Apparently, he speaks of the Ranma-who-actually-loves Akane and not
the Ranma-who-really-does-hate Akane.

Tom: I get those two confused too.

>capable Martial Artist."I agree." Sasuke considered. "What about Mikado?"
>"'Emperor' Sanzenine." Ryoga thought about it. "Kind of prissy,
>but that Assault of a Hundred Foes move of his could come in handy.
>Shampoo?"

Crow: Yesh, Ryouga, really an inappropriate time to offer someone hygeine
products.

>"Any other girl, I'd say no." Sasuke admitted. "But Shampoo's an
>Amazon and she can hold her own in a battle. Mousse?"

Crow: Now Sasuke is doing it--

Mike: Crow, just go watch the show, learn the characters, and stop this
insanity.

>"No. Once he loses his glasses Mousse would become a liability."
>"Good point." Sasuke conceded.

Tom: I dunno....I think it would be kinda funny if he started glomping
soldiers and calling them Shampoo.

>By morning they'd worked out a list of potential rebels:
>Ranma Saotome, Mikado Sanzenine, Shampoo, Ryoga, and Sasuke.

Crow:The Untouchables: starring a aqua-transexual, a priss, an amazon, a boy
with fangs, and a minor character that looks like a mouse.

>"There's not enough of us." Ryoga told Sasuke as the Ninja took
>him by the hand and led him in search of a base of operations

Tom: Which sadly turned out to be a dumpster behind Wendy's.

>for their
>group.
>One building seemed to be empty. They went inside and were both
>surprised when Ryoga's head was very nearly cut off by a sword
>which stopped just short of his neck.
>"You startled me." The youth clutching the sword said, as he
>sheathed his shining blade. "I almost killed you."

Crow: Ah ha, finally a sharp-witted character.

>"I noticed." Ryoga blinked as he recognized the boy. "Prince Toma?"
>"Its just Toma now."

Mike: Okay, everyone with me now...

M, C, T: The Toma formerly known as Prince!

>Toma replied. "I moved here this past
>summer. I was looking forward to attending your high school next
>fall. A chance to learn about your country and people, and meet
>a nice girl while I'm at it. And now..."

Tom:..that I've met you, to hell with women!

>"Well, maybe you'll get your chance after all." Ryoga told him.
>"What do you mean?"
>"Sasuke and I are trying to put an army of our own together to
>take back Nerima." Ryoga told him. "We could use someone with
>your talents.

Crow: What talent? The talent to get a tan or the talent to kidnap girls?

> Will you join us?"
>Toma considered for a moment. "I accept." he replied.

Mike: You know, overall, this fic remains me of a very dark version
of "Milo and Otis".

Tom and Crowa:::blank stare::